soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
