Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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