4 words: hood of his car
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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