I'm going to jail i love you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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