I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
did i just pee glitter
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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