This is not my ceiling
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
