I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
