how can u be prego again
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
