he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
