Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
