We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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