didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
