i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
