She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
