wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
