you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
