what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
