I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
