I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
