I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
