you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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