Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
