New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
