I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
