saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my shit smells like andre
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
