Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I love you.
Bad choice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
