Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
