There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
