There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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