Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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