can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
