look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
