He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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