Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
someone owes me an orgasm
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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