when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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