I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
