I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
