eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
there is glitter all over my balls
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
