I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
