Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So vagazzling was a success
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
