I feel great
I just peed on a car
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
