I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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