is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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