It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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