My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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