it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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