the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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