I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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