she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
