My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she peed on how many people?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
