yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
