my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
