I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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